Saturday, May 31, 2014

The first step into a year of self-discovery

#19

My heart has been stabbed a million times over, by fucking society! And I want to cry.. again.

I want to blame you.. yes you, who walks past me with your judgmental eyes, your judgmental thoughts.. you piercing slicing words of absolute cruelty! I loathe you.. all of you!

I've said it!

But.. no. That's not the right approach. Fine, I was young and weak and gullible.. and was a casualty of the rules of social conformity.. and I lost myself.

It's not enough to acknowledge this and to stare blankly through the coffin glass, at a cold, still corpse of what was once a vibrant, self-loving, self-accepting personality.. I have to recover myself!

I have to re-discover myself! ME

Who the fuck am I? To be 19 (as of yesterday) and to not know who I really am (not who I'm 'supposed' to be in the eyes of society) is, in the least, depressing, heart-rending.

There's no one to blame.

All I seek is closure with the demons of my past, and acquaintance with a future in which I am free, I am me (whoever ME is), where I am unencumbered by shackles, where I am carefree, unconscious of social scrutiny, utterly a living being.. LIVING and BREATHING and BEING.. me.

Thank you, Charlene, for indirectly inspiring me today.. by offering me a glimpse into what being true to oneself and to the world really is.

 

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