The Double-edged sword

A take on digression..

Side tracking. Deviating. All synonymous with the shameful.. oh so very shameful, despicable, unspeakable act.. of digression.

Nature.. is it in our nature to ..digress? Is it inbuilt, hard-wired in us to stray from the straight and narrow?

To assuage a ..soulfulness that we have so unfairly been bestowed with.. passed down from the forerunners of mankind. And so be unjustly condemned, subjected, under the mercy of bestial tendencies that have been carved into the psyche, into the very fabric, DNA, of man..

Or.. am I simply fulfilling the typical human nature - of finger pointing ...and not acknowledging the log in my own eye?
 Is this a test... is this stage in life, marked by inexplicable ambivalence, actually a test of will? Of personal responsibility? Of one's very grit? If so.. it is arguably one of the hardest most soul-devouring trials, whose outcome makes or breaks. And whose consequence is of an entirely transcendent nature.

And so, it is at such a dark time, when one is literally a slave to self, worn down, as a casualty of temptation... that one yearns for apathy. For a freeing of the mind and spirit, from the worldly carnal shackles.

"...To be coarse, brutish, and snappish may be natural to the beast, but the man who aspires to be even an endurable member of society (not to mention the higher manhood), will at once purge away any such bestial traits that may possess him."
-James Allen

Right now as I sit here... face flushed, body and mind weakened and worn, and myself on the verge of fainting, ..I pray ..pray for divine intervention! For that is all that can pull me out of this bottomless hole. This destructive pit of self-abhorrence. Of cowardly concession. I try to pull it together. To create, at least, some semblance of control. And it's truly hard. It's actually HARD.

If there were ever a painting that accurately captures my present state of mind..

 

Great Wave off Kanagawa

 by Katsushika Hokusai

Nature... maybe that's what I need right now.

To be out in the midst and majesty of nature, and to be ensconced in its therapeutical calm. Maybe then I will be able to realize some clarity.

Maybe.
.


 

#1 2014

It's been ... many months since I last wrote, let alone visited this unjustly forsaken blog. This avenue of thoughts.. of self expression.. and connecting to the world in such a way that my introversion would otherwise not allow me.

I have undoubtedly felt.. incomplete without this blog.. without  a means of recording truthfully and succinctly my reflections and emotions at any one moment in time.. capturing it in words, in such a way as to suspend it in.. in perpetuity.. and enable closer scrutiny.

..."SUSPENSION"...

 

A well-versed author to whom I extend my unbounded admiration, Mr. Sunny Bindra, spoke to us earlier this week, and one peculiar piece of advice he shared, which sounded almost exactly like a teaching from the e'er lauded James Allen, has since adhered to my mind:

"Observe yourself. Learn to be your own observer.."

And in light of this point, he added that one should examine their emotional reactions to various situations, and it is from this that greater understanding of self is attained.

 

 

  

Suspension... that is what this blog was.. is about.

As it is through suspension that audit may be effectuated... and from this reflections developed, lessons learnt, and, in eventuality, growth aroused.

 

Declining the dispiriting words of Peter Van Houten, a minor character in "The Fault in our stars", I dare say that "I do not feel that continuing to share my thoughts with readers would benefit either BOTH them or AND me."

 

 

Until later..

 

Jude.