A take on digression..
Side tracking. Deviating. All synonymous with the shameful.. oh so very shameful, despicable, unspeakable act.. of digression.
Nature.. is it in our nature to ..digress? Is it inbuilt, hard-wired in us to stray from the straight and narrow?
To assuage a ..soulfulness that we have so unfairly been bestowed with.. passed down from the forerunners of mankind. And so be unjustly condemned, subjected, under the mercy of bestial tendencies that have been carved into the psyche, into the very fabric, DNA, of man..
Or.. am I simply fulfilling the typical human nature - of finger pointing ...and not acknowledging the log in my own eye?
Is this a test... is this stage in life, marked by inexplicable ambivalence, actually a test of will? Of personal responsibility? Of one's very grit? If so.. it is arguably one of the hardest most soul-devouring trials, whose outcome makes or breaks. And whose consequence is of an entirely transcendent nature.
And so, it is at such a dark time, when one is literally a slave to self, worn down, as a casualty of temptation... that one yearns for apathy. For a freeing of the mind and spirit, from the worldly carnal shackles.
"...To be coarse, brutish, and snappish may be natural to the beast, but the man who aspires to be even an endurable member of society (not to mention the higher manhood), will at once purge away any such bestial traits that may possess him."
-James Allen
Right now as I sit here... face flushed, body and mind weakened and worn, and myself on the verge of fainting, ..I pray ..pray for divine intervention! For that is all that can pull me out of this bottomless hole. This destructive pit of self-abhorrence. Of cowardly concession. I try to pull it together. To create, at least, some semblance of control. And it's truly hard. It's actually HARD.
Nature... maybe that's what I need right now.
To be out in the midst and majesty of nature, and to be ensconced in its therapeutical calm. Maybe then I will be able to realize some clarity.
Maybe.
.
Side tracking. Deviating. All synonymous with the shameful.. oh so very shameful, despicable, unspeakable act.. of digression.
Nature.. is it in our nature to ..digress? Is it inbuilt, hard-wired in us to stray from the straight and narrow?
To assuage a ..soulfulness that we have so unfairly been bestowed with.. passed down from the forerunners of mankind. And so be unjustly condemned, subjected, under the mercy of bestial tendencies that have been carved into the psyche, into the very fabric, DNA, of man..
Or.. am I simply fulfilling the typical human nature - of finger pointing ...and not acknowledging the log in my own eye?
Is this a test... is this stage in life, marked by inexplicable ambivalence, actually a test of will? Of personal responsibility? Of one's very grit? If so.. it is arguably one of the hardest most soul-devouring trials, whose outcome makes or breaks. And whose consequence is of an entirely transcendent nature.
And so, it is at such a dark time, when one is literally a slave to self, worn down, as a casualty of temptation... that one yearns for apathy. For a freeing of the mind and spirit, from the worldly carnal shackles.
"...To be coarse, brutish, and snappish may be natural to the beast, but the man who aspires to be even an endurable member of society (not to mention the higher manhood), will at once purge away any such bestial traits that may possess him."
-James Allen
Right now as I sit here... face flushed, body and mind weakened and worn, and myself on the verge of fainting, ..I pray ..pray for divine intervention! For that is all that can pull me out of this bottomless hole. This destructive pit of self-abhorrence. Of cowardly concession. I try to pull it together. To create, at least, some semblance of control. And it's truly hard. It's actually HARD.
If there were ever a painting that accurately captures my present state of mind..
Great Wave off Kanagawa
Nature... maybe that's what I need right now.
To be out in the midst and majesty of nature, and to be ensconced in its therapeutical calm. Maybe then I will be able to realize some clarity.
Maybe.
.
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